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| Irony is that the last time I checked this, I was procrastinating on my term paper. 3 guesses to guess what I'm doing tonight. Though if you don't get it in 1 I shall knock you over, televegelizing exorcist style, while proclaiming you "Dunce!" | | |
| I find it ironic that I go on the internet because I'm so tired of typing only to end up here doing the same. I think its because typing a paper is so infringing, you can't just let your fingers type freely, like I will do here. I have no idea what will come of it, but I will devote myself to typing as much as I can in the next minute.
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After the horrible escapade on that weekend, there was of course only one course of action. First was to go to bed because it was such a long dull a tiring weekend, except of course the events of that so forth-with-all evening. Deedy. It had been clear for some time now that when when when when is one of the fastest words you can type. The other being then then then then then then, almost equally as fast and free. When it comes down to it. At this point I can't even see what I've typed because the little flashy line is lagging behind me, and if I make a mistake I can't go back to stop it because I can't even see where it is. This happens at shcool and indeed reminds me of school since -
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I think that ended up being closer to a minute and a half because I didn't wait for a new minute before I started. Just had to type, you know?
Last night was a rediculously fun evening, deedy, went and saw X-men 3 at a drive in movie theatre. (Pronounced TheAYtRAY) The only downside was that when you're hyper and its cold and you have friends there you can't help laughing at some things you might have thought were cool if you saw it by yourself. Oh well. It was still a pretty 0-kay movie. Though, answer me this, if you had the opportunity to see a movie for free, and your poor sister was home sick unable to go anywhere anyway, would you? Don't answer that. Of course you would. And you wouldn't be a shmuck for it.
Back to the slavestone.
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| Today I would like to present you with the facts. Straight facts my friends, are not found readily anymore. But I have them! And I will share, provided you are ready to hear them.
Are you ready?
First the facts of the case of Chicken v Sara Catherine Miller.
The Plaintiff: Sara Miller - She holds that her brother, Joseph Miller, did attack her with a fisher price rubber chicken toy leaving the wound on her forehead which has so grieved her. She seeks the pity and comfort of all and dirtying of her brothers name.
The Defendant: Joseph Miller - He holds that first and foremost the evil spirit found within all chickens had possessed him, and in this case his left hand and all the rest of him didn't know what his right hand was doing. Even so, he also holds that this mark did not come about from the rubber chicken. If he loses this case he also intends to sue fisher price for making a chicken that cheats on his affections. He seeks the Grail. And the justice given by this court. Some Ice Cream wouldn't be bad either.
The Facts: First I would like to say what a wonderful jury we have today. Not a speck of injustice on any of you! But unfortunately that is what we have to deal with today...Specks! And Injustice!
I think it would behoove us to look at the tract records of each party here. My client, Joseph Miller, is an upstanding Republic Citizen and former Jedi Knight. The Plaintiff? Dark Jedi, possible Sith, and rumored droid. And in this case droids can lie. Boy can they lie, and SLANDER! Now I think it should be quite clear who isn't using a Jedi Mind Trick on you to sway the juries decision.
Next to the scene of the crime. Both parties were in the car on their way to their Mother's Birthday Dinner when the supposed attack took place. My client was at this time pitched in a battle of wills with the chicken, who was trying to take over his body and use him as a tool of evil and world domination. The chicken settled for his right arm. Now, could it be possible my client was not capable of saving his sister from this imposing evil? Is it possible the chicken is the real one to blame? I say yes. WHY!??!?!?!??!11 Because the case is Chicken! Chicken v Sara Miller! The decision is made! MY CLIENT IS INNOCENT!
But for ye of little faith in court titles, hear ye the facts of the injury. Supposedly the chicken, under the hold of Joseph Miller (Quite the opposite of what we just proved, ISNT IT?!?!) did peck his sister repeatedly in the forehead, causing a red mark that later did itch from scabbing. However, there was no bleeding at the scene of the crime. You heard me! No blood! How can this be? If there was no bleeding, how can there be a scab? Is it possible my sister is trying to drag my client through the mud of libel? Through the not-so-shiny kitchen floors of slander? To verify this scientific fact, I have brought in renowned scientist and crime scene analyst and not actor Grissom First-Name-Unknown.
"Mr. Grissom, is pie relevant to this case?"
"I don't think I unders..."
"PIE!!!"
Now that we understand the scientific facts of the case, let us look at the supposed weapon. This chicken is made of rubber, with the point of attack the beak most chickens use to carry out their devil work. This particular chicken had a protruding upper...lip...errr, upper beak half and a much shorter lower beak half. At the angle of force, it would not be possible for both upper and lower beak halves to strike in such a way as to cause this wound. Fact!
Now we turn our attention to a smaller fact I'm quite sure my sister did not mention to you. After being grieved by the news that his wayward hand might have given his sister harm under the control of the evil chicken, he finally managed to turn his will against the chicken and the chicken retaliated by pecking my client repeatedly in the forehead. And yet....after the ensuing battle, there was....No Mark! Yes ladies and...now that I think about it we don't have any gentleman reading this thing...the same blow produced no mark! How can this be if we are to take the word of the renowned lying Droid-Sith as fact? No, we can't, since I Gordimer Zoidberg Attorney at Laws-and-Things have given you the Straight Facts.
I rest my case.
Now the facts of the case of Narnia Enthusiast v Sara Catherine Miller
The Plaintiff: Sara Miller - She holds that her friend Bethany did seek to drive a wedge between their friendship by making a theme known to be offensive and disturbing to my client.
The Defendant: Bethany Michelle Woody - Has yet to defend herself.
My client is prepared to move to court. This is your last chance to make a deal. The facts of this case are about to be revealed. Are you ready?
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| Gone again.
I promise to make longer posts once I'm back from this trip. Oh where has my break gone...*sob*
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